Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Umpire State of Mind

A quick assessment of the British public via the medium of adverts on E4 will instantly show you that we're all running around trying to get payday loans as quickly as possible. Once we've got our money, we rush out and buy a soda stream to keep our smug children happy. If there's anything left over it goes on buying software to learn Japanese - I think the aliens coming down to see what humans are all about will be very disappointed. Are we really a race of gullible poor people who are eternally farty due to gaseous drinks? I'm not sure anyone's going to be thrilled that only the smuggest amongst us have even attempted to be bilingual. I am neither farty nor bilingual so I think what I might do is switch the televisual device off and be productive today.

I'm going to be productive today - got an awesome gig to go to later and I have a zillion things to do before packing up and disappearing down to the Shire tomorrow for the 2nd birthday of my nephew of brilliance. I had a dream last night and in my dream I was being played by Chad Michael Murray... I think this a pretty damning comment on the state of the fuss between my ears this week. The solution certainly seems to be to try and make amends by having the most worthwhile Tuesday that ever was had.

How do you be worthwhile on a Tuesday? Tuesday never seems like the sort of day when important things happen... no one wakes up to have a momentous Tuesday. Tuesday is a day for reflecting on Monday or gearing up for Wednesday - it's fine for things to happen on a Wednesday - makes it a pivotal part of the week. If you get too much done on a Tuesday then have you just ruined your chances of the rest of the week working out?

I'm not taking any chances, what this means is that, although I've promised to get a lot done today, I'm actually still in my dressing gown and I'm probably not going to go and tidy my room until after Gilmore Girls has been on. Damn you E4. If it wasn't for E4 I would have a sun tan and friends and dreams about myself where I play me instead of some vaguely pretty blonde guy with half an acting career. What does that say when even in my dreams I am not getting cast in the lead role? It's not the best start in life for a budding actress.

So! On to productivity...? Yes. Indeed. I will begin productivity with something mind blowing. I'm already defrosting chicken... that's both productive and mind blowing! Who doesn't love chicken eh? Especially defrosted chicken! This means I am the sort of woman that defrosts things well in time for a meal (rather than microwaving it slightly before I'm starving). Surely this is progress? If I had a soda stream I might put some fizzy drinks in with my chicken and then people would literally gather round my front door with presents from Kath Kidston which I am bound to love. In actual fact I hate Kath Kidston stuff and I don't want a soda stream so it's just going to have to be the chicken. This is not a good start to the world's best Tuesday.

Maybe what I'll do is spend the Tuesday preparing for Wednesday and then by the time I get to tomorrow I'll have the best Wednesday that could be had and no one has to worry about the week strata being bashed around. Yes, this seems like the best way to work Tuesday out. Sneaky little Tuesday... you are not going to beat me!

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