Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Stabby McTabby and the Heatwave

Stabby McTabby (that twat of a cat),
Lay in the shade near the corpse of a rat.
He writhed and he twisted and searched for a breeze,
Reeking of sweat and of bile and disease.

The sun beat down on his patched scabby coat,
Stabby McTabby resembled a rotting bear scrote.
"For god's sake just kill me!" he screamed at the sky,
Licking thick, green, dry sleep from the corner of one eye.

Just then a mouse came scampering past,
"I do hope this glorious summer will last!"
"The days by the river in the cool of the pool,"
"The hours I have sunbathed - this heatwave just rules!"
"I wish it were sunny all day, all year long,"
"When the weather's this good being miserable is wrong!"

Stabby McTabby swallowed the sick that had crept,
Up the back of his throat while his soul had wept.
This mouse was a retard - that much was clear,
Stabby McTabby felt his teaching side rear.

He'd show this mouse that the summer sucked cock,
It was not 'majestic', a 'miracle' and nor did 'it rock'.
It was a bath in your sweat and sticky limbed hell,
It was a place you got sent to when kicked out of hell.

Despite not being hungry - not even a bit,
McTabby stretched a paw towards the mouse and smacked it.
He bashed its mouse head onto the baking tarmac
And rubbed out the sticky bit inside like a Big Mac.

Using one dextrous, long, brown claw
He snapped down the little mouse's little mouse jaw.
He ripped open its stomach and pulled out some guts,
Before gently decorating the rest of the mouse skin with cuts.

A cut for each day that McTabby had been hot;
A cut for sticky nights, the long days - the lot!
A cut for the unseasonably warm, lengthy season
A cut on the mouse for any old reason.

McTabby grinned at the mouse, whilst looking for the right tool,
To finish the job and make the mouse his lessoned fool.

He reached in the dirt for a stick like a splinter,
And rammed the mouse remains on top,
He'd show that happy mouse that only an idiot,
Goes about praising summer instead of worshipping winter.