Friday, July 8, 2011

The End of an Era

Well, that might be a slightly melodramatic title, but it feels like the end of an era. A small era - the sort of era an ant might have. so, maybe not the end of an era... maybe just the end of the week. Yes. We'll go with that - it's the end of a week.

I've come to the end of my stint as receptionist in the glorious building with the roof terrace and the threat of invasion lurking round every corner. Next week I am receptionist somewhere else. I feel like a sort of escort receptionist. But slightly classier.

It's also the end of an era because the sports presenter left the Radio 2 Breakfast Show this morning. This might not seem like a big deal in the grand scheme of things but changes to radio are very distressing for me.

I listen to the radio a lot more than I watch television - I listen every day, always in the mornings and sometimes in the evenings as well. If I can, I have it on all day (depending on which desk I'm guarding). So, I listen to my favourite radio presenters more than I generally speak to friends or family in most weeks.

I'm a creature of routine; I like my mornings uninterrupted by anyone other than Chris Evans and his crew. So, when someone leaves it blasts a bit of a hole in the comfort of the whole thing... it's a little bit like going through a break up, except that you're acutally upset because these are people you don't mind listening to in the morning.

It occurred to me while I was listening to all the suprises lined up for Mr Johnny Saunders, that I really also like Chris Evans and I think he has gone on my list of famous people who I would like to be friends with. Currently this list consists of;

David Attenborough
David Jason
Danny DeVito
Russell Brand
William (of Wish Wellington fame)

I'm considering adding the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge because I'm a bit worried I'm in love with Harry and I think that being best friends with them would be my quickest inroad.

The thing with Chris Evans is that you know he used to be all nutty and a pain in the arse, but actually now he seems fairly cool and like he's grown up a bit. For this reason I am keen we are friends. Also, he's totally minted and seems to like spending his money on mental stuff so I'm quite interested to see whether he'd be up for some of my more adventurous architectural projects!

On my walk in to work this morning I discovered a few things;

1. I like seeing people walking around with their mouths open. Specifically this morning was a n old lady pushing a little tartan trolley. She looked like she was trying to drink the rain. She made me want to try it too. I tried it. Not pleasant - better to watch.

2. The bigger the umbrella you have the better. Yesterday and today I used a golf umbrella for the first time - at first I felt a little silly because it was so huge, but, I discovered levels of dryness never previously experienced! Incredible! With a small umbrella, you have a dry head and then watch in dismay as everything below your shoulders slowly soaks through and you wonder why you bothered with the damn thing. But, with this this massive umbrella... well, you're just all dry! Made me wonder why I don't buy an umbrella of my very own.

3. The reason I do not own an umbrella of my own is that umbrellas are evil creatures which eat your hair. Umbrellas are vicious and if you don't give them a wide berth they will gobble up huge chunks of your barnet and then smugly glare at you asking what you expected from a wild creature. If left unchecked, two umbrellas that meet in the street will also fight like dogs on heat if you don't work hard to keep them apart. They are naturally territorial and, when they meet another umbrella, will rut like stags using their metal sprongs. It's important to get them neutered to try and reduce the amount of damage they cause. Unfortunately, neutering an umbrella inolves snapping it into tiny pieces and throwing it away so they are perfectly useless afterwards.

There's a good possibility that by tomorrow it will be the end of an era for a couple of umbrellas, not just Johnny Saunders and me.

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