Wednesday, September 1, 2010

When I am a grown up...

This is the sort of amazing September morning that makes me really excited, totally and truly excited about being a proper grown up with children of my own. This is a terrifying yet beautiful feeling because the thought of having children scares the bejebus out of me. I'm fairly sure I'll have them and part of me can't wait, but the permanence of them puts me off. I'm the sort of fickle person that wouldn't even get a tattoo because I might not like it the next day - let alone sprog up on a whim and have something totally dependent on me for the rest of my life. Last time I was house hunting it caused mass panic attacks at the thought of signing a longish contract.

But there's something about a morning like this one at the beginning of September which has me wanting to pack a satchel and put my blue eyed girl and boy on their hover boards and start the walk/hover to school. I think they'll probably like marmite (I certainly do) and little Ruby and Locke will hopefully also really enjoy going to stationery shopping. There's absolutely nothing better than the trip to WHSmiths before you go back to school and then comparing the pencil cases you've all chosen.

I imgine they'll both be quite feisty little gits but hopefully not so much that people think they're incorrigible while I think they're darlings. If possible one of them will have a penchant for asking very complex questions in crowded places so I can roll my eyes and mutter 'kids' while everyone else marvels at their genius. That'll probably be Locke - he'll be the thinker. Ruby will likely eat a lot of mud.

Having this discussion with my flatmate earlier, she seemed to think that hover boards were a bit too advanced for my kids. Not in the sense that only my kids would be too stupid - just that they probably won't have been invented by then but I disagree. Imagine how advanced the world is going to be in 14 years or so when I'm walking them to school. Will there even still be schools or do they just suck on a USB stick in the morning and then have all the knowledge they could need to outwit their mother?

I imagine Locke will be quite sporty, bless him, he gets it from his father - the listing in the brochure said the donor liked rugby. I'm joking...he won't be sporty at all. No. More jokes. I'll definitely have a look for a real dad for them - but I'm just not making any promises. Locke will do all the after school activities and Ruby and I will eat sweeties and watch him play and then get very excited when he does well but always keep our distance a bit so he can be cool in front of his friends. It's going to be quite difficult for him because his name does rhyme with cock. He's therefore going to need a lot of good haircuts and a house that kids want to come and play in. ah the trials of youth.

On their first days at school they're going to have satchels. I distinctly remember my first satchel. It was brown and had trains, boats and cars on it. I don't actually remember ever using it but I certainly remember having had it at some point so I must have been lucky. Locke and Ruby can also have satchels and lunch boxes. Interesting lunch boxes with nice pictures on that they can pretend are TVs if they want to. None of this clear tupperware rubbish.

September's got a beautiful feel to it - every year I dread the end of summer and forget how much I love the autumn. It's intensely beautiful and I love it before the drudgery of post-Christmas winter kicks in. Coming back to work after the long Edinburgh break was very reminiscent of going to school again for the new term. Except that I don't have a new satchel and I've not been given a new sketch book and told to add margins. I've been put on a train to Swindon to see a man I don't think is there. Being an adult is weird. Roll on the days of Ruby and Locke so I can go back to daytime TV and daydreaming and writing...

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