Sunday, September 26, 2010

I am too tired for this...

It's just taken me a long time to negotiate a busy road home. Here are my findings from today -

Beeping at me will only encourage me to slow down and scowl.

If I shout 'Bellend' at you it's because you are, in fact, a massive bellend and you should just pull your car over and walk home and stop being such a disgrace to the rest of us.

There is nowhere on the planet you need to be urgently enough to excuse you undertaking in the dark and pouring rain.

There should be 'tourists' and 'locals' lanes on all major roads in pretty areas. Just because I choose to live in the West Country doesn't mean I should have to slow down past Stone Henge and marvel at it's mundane audacity. I would like to zoom on past in the 'I have somewhere to be, this is not a novelty' lane swearing at you and laughing at your bored children who are plotting your deaths for lousing up their childhoods with these 'interesting things' to see on the journey. Get them to a theme park.

Sign posts need to be erected upon EVERY junction between you and your destination because guessing is fallible. Either that or the centre of towns need to have bright lights shooting right up from their centres so you can follow the beam in the right general direction until some useful official puts up a post with a title on it. It cannot possibly be that difficult?

I should never spend 5 hours alone in a car. My mind wanders to places it shouldn't and I have a general hatred of everyone. Including you.

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