Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Him and You on The Worst Days

You - I can't deal with you when you're like this.
Him - No one asked you to.
You - Mature.
Him - Seriously, just go.
You - I can't exactly leave you like this.
Him - Why? None of this is for your benefit.
You - Well...
Him - I'm going to feel like this whether you stay or not. You being here isn't exactly helping if you're just complaining that it's hard for you. This isn't about you.


You - That's the bit I don't understand.
Him - What?
You - Why don't I make it better?
Him - How could you?
You - Why don't I make it better?
Him - Because it isn't about you.
You - But even things that aren't about you, in my life, you have an impact on them.
Him - This is different.
You - This is depression. Why doesn't having me make it any easier?
Him - Maybe it does.
You - Hmm?
Him - Maybe I'd be even worse if it weren't for you.
You - Worse than tears during Attenborough?
Him - Maybe I wouldn't even be here.
You - Melodrama doesn't suit you.
Him - Yeah... true. Let's keep it light.


You - I am going to go.
Him - Really?
You - Yes.
Him - Right.
You - I need some distance?
Him - Do you find this off putting?
You - Well, I don't want to jump your bones... but I'm not going to leave you over it.
Him - Right.
You - It's pretty fucking hard. You impact on everything I do... everything, is about you. My days have a shifted... a sort of shifted kind of priority or focus or whatever now you're in them. Not because I meant to, but just because the things I do with you make me the happiest so they're the ones I've put to the top. But with you...
Him - I'm the same.
You - No. No you're not... you have all these little insular bubbles that you've chosen to keep me out of.
Him - Well, it's not exactly a fun 'bubble' I've kicked you out of. It's not a bachelor pad, it's...
You - Fine. I know this is different. The depression is different. But you have these safety valves on us. Places you'll still be able to go when we're done. And I don't have those. So, just... right now... just, I want to be able to go. Because I never go. I always choose being with you over doing anything else and this is not the first time I've been a bit uncomfortable with that.
Him - So...
You - No. It's definitely not over. I just want to be OK with walking away from you sometimes.
Him - Right.
You - Will you be OK?
Him - No. But then I wasn't OK before so it's fine.
You - OK. Well, there isn't really a neat ending to this little debacle.

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