Monday, February 28, 2011

D-Day for the Subtle Brainwash

There is absolutely nothing special about today at all. Just another day. Another day which I've marked on my calendar (Gustav Klimt - £9.99 from Paperchase). I'm in the office today... got here on the Jubilee line which I was early for - because I had a healthy start with Tesco's own Fruit & Fibre. I sat at my breakfast table eating it with my blonde haired, blue eyed son. He was a new addition to my morning, I won't lie. But I chewed my breakfast happily and left for work.

For some strange reason I just couldn't stop smiling this morning... luckily I use Colgate so my teeth looked awesome as I did. It drew the attention of some passing builders as I left for work. Ha! How amusing. Aren't men silly? They're so easily bowled over by a woman who takes care of herself. I'm so glad I spend as much as I do on products. I just think they're worth it, don't you? I'm worth it. I'm so worth it, my foundation genuinely goes on with a roller. Without a hint of irony.

I fair bounced out of the front door this morning, my hair was so full of volume. Must be something to do with the Pantene Pro-V plus I put on it - it just makes it feel so different you know? You can literally see the split ends somehow magically fusing back together because of the conditioner. How clever. My skin felt shiny and full of the penta-peptides that are packed into my Nivea face cream. I know that winter hates my face, and I'm not stupid, so I use it to help keep my skin soft and supple.

On the walk to work I was really glad I'd taken my Immodium before I left, because when you've got a busy day ahead - the last thing you need is constipation! What fun!

It's a pretty grey day, but I'm looking forward to 11 o clock... the clock is ticking down quietly in the corner to my daily diet coke near the lift. I would drink standard coke, but I choose diet because it's less calories. Oh, and I really like the flavour. I've got a busy day putting the finishing touches to my speech for the conference for the next few days... thank heavens I remembered to bring my glasses. Well, not that I remembered to bring them - obviously, I go to Specsavers so I get 2 for 1... this means I can leave a pair on my desk and have one at home. And, if that weird kid from breakfast turns up and squashes them accidentally, I'm covered. Phew!

I know by the end of the day I'm going to be pretty tired... a long stretch in the office followed by a tiring gig. Gosh, isn't it hard to have it all? Luckily, by the time I get home to my DFS sofa with no interest for the next 3 years and my Dreams mattress that I bought in the winter sale because I was so jealous of my perfect neighbours, my blonde kid will be tucked up in bed and there'll be an inexplicably good looking man on the sofa with designer stubble.

He'll have cooked for me... possibly fajitas, Old El Paso of course, because they're so quick and easy and everyone loves them! It's like a party and a meal! I might mock his hilarious attempts at cookery and sigh when he leaves me the washing up, but really I'm lucky to have a man so I keep quiet and use my fairy liquid. Fairy liquid just cuts through the grease much quicker than ordinary brands. And, it means that while I'm saving up my Park vouchers to buy blonde kid some new toys at Christmas, he's got a fun bottle to play with in the meantime. Bless. What a happy family unit we are. I'm such a good mum I feed him chicken that I cooked in the toaster. No word of a lie.

So there's absolutely nothing Special K about today. Just an ordinary day.

Oh, no... wait a minute. I think the ban on product placement in UK television might have been lifted. The lifting of the ban was made much easier by the use of Maxi-Muscle - packed with protein.

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