Saturday, January 15, 2011

Naked Hotdog Wrestling

There is absolutely no frigging way I could have been any more productive this morning. I smashed the shit out of cleaning my house. It now hurts a little bit to look directly at the kitchen surfaces and the person that fucks up my alphabetising of the spices is going to get churned.

I also cleaned the oven. I've never cleaned an oven before and overall it was an interesting experience. It was all going swimmingly until I got oven cleaner in my eye. Hmmm... not being a particularly successful domestic goddess I wasn't totally au fait with oven cleaner but even I was aware that this was fairly dumb and that the stinging was sure to get worse.

Using bleach to wash it out seemed like a fairly sensible next step as the only thing I could think of that's stronger than oven cleaner is probably bleach. That or kryptonite but I don't have any kryptonite under the sink. It's mainly just a stack of scouring pads that nobody will touch in case they've ever been toilet cleaning implements. And 3 bottles of Alpine polish. It's interesting that we have 3 bottles because we don't particularly have any surfaces that generally require polishing. Who the hell keeps buying it?

So, I got a bit of a weird look whilst trying to get the bleach open because it has one of those difficult caps that are meant to stop children drinking it. My housemate came in, opened it for me, asked why I needed it opening, then put the lid back on and put it in the cupboard.

Apparently water is the best option for getting shit out of your eyes. Not other products. Especially not products with big black crosses on them. Whatever.

So, I've had a shower and I looked directly into the shower head for a good few minutes. Sadly, I still cannot see out of my left eye. Well...that's an exaggeration - I can see...but it looks like I'm looking through some bubble wrap. Everything is kind of swirly and a not really like the world looks like. Unless the oven cleaner was so powerful that it's cleaned away a severe layer of grease and actually this is what the world is meant to look like? It's difficult to tell without putting oven cleaner in the other eye. Which I'm not going to do. Because it hurt a bit.

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