Thursday, January 27, 2011

Give The Dog A Bone

Shazaaaaaam interworld...this is Lexxington FM on the blog medium wave coming at you right from your monitor. Monitor my words closely like a monitor lizard and you'll notice I'm on it won't notice. Huzzah. I'm listening to some rapping music right now and it's having an interesting effect on my mood. I have had one of the most productive mornings in my illustrious career as a desk jockey so far.

Desk jockey is a term I've coined to try and make my life as a muppet who deals with the insignificant issues of other muppets more bearable. I'm not sure if more bearable is a phrase that's strictly correct English? Can anyone pedantic help out a bit there? Thanks.

Today in my desk jockey position I'm wearing a glittery blue head scarf over my head and have been told I look like a fortune teller. Unfortunately, I don't have a crystal ball with me to tell fortunes so I've got my small desk cactus. Sadly I was part way through telling my colleague's fortune with my cactus when the film crew popped into the office to see if we'd mind being filmed this afternoon. The camera guy took a brief look at me and then said 'But we'll give you lots of prior notice'. I'm not sure if this means to take the scarf off my head or for me just to leave in general. Either way, I've added a cardigan to my head now so we'll see what happens. My boss has said nothing. I do wonder if I'd be capable of working somewhere if I had a boss who wasn't quite so 'understanding'.

I say 'understanding'. However, I did get into the office today to find out that he's signed me up to be the company speaker at a technology event conference in March. I am to write and deliver a presentation on Online Video Marketing. We were trying to come up with titles and he told me to 'Squash every natural intent in your mind to make it sparky and interesting - that is not your crowd here.' Brilliant. And, er, why have you picked me to deliver this speech may I ask?

Apparently the speech itself can be as dynamic as I can make it. We're now approaching dangerous territory. As dynamic as I can make it you say? He has clearly forgotten the night he asked me to host his church quiz and I may or may not have used a clever pun concerning the composer Tosca when referencing a member of the congregation...ahem. This is not an admission of guilt. I said 'may or may not'.

In a hilarious in-joke, the title of my presentation is to be 'A Short Guide to Online Video' and my ever caring boss has promised to provide a crate for me to stand on. Are you beginning to understand now that the witticisms of office banter just never cease? Ricky Gervais had no idea. He was only the beginning.

My rapping music has now swiftly switched to Cheryl Cole now so I must dash and pretend to tut whilst really soaking in her subtle harmonies/inability to hold a note cleanly.

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