Wednesday, June 15, 2011

In One Nostril...

The office booking pen is a series of fouler and fouler smells this afternoon. It started out smelling like feet and it's now progressed to smelling like a conceptual art piece entitled "If Feet Could Fart". It's really unpleasant. I have no idea what part of the human brain encourages you to sniff harder once you think you've detected an awful smell to see if it's definitely there. Why not just not sniff the second time and live in blissful ignorance? Why is it so vital that we're aware of the definite presence of the smell. Let it lie.

It must be the same section of the brain that makes you taste something, say "That is disgusting," and then add, "Try it" to the nearest person. This kind of behaviour can mean only two things, either:

a) You hate your friends.
b) You like your friends but suspect they are stupid enough to try the disgusting food you've got.

Either way - perhaps you need to stop doing it or get new friends.

I took a night off last night - no laptop, no gig, no planning or booking or promoting... I went out for a few drinks and thoroughly felt relaxed for the first time in quite a while. When I got home I meant to sort out the 40+ emails I'd got through the day... I watched a section of Geordie Shore, ate a bagel and went straight to bed.

Actaully, I didn't go straight to bed... I first checked the We Did This funding page that we recently set up for Ink. I was just curious. I didn't expect to see what I saw. The funding is basically quite cool - we set up a pitch, we ask for donations from anyone interested in the project and then we offer different sized rewards from the theatre company depending on the size of the donation.

Our pitch went live yesterday and we had 30 days to receive the £500 funding we had pitched for (quite a modest sum it turns out after seeing other pitches!).

When I checked last night we had already received £140... in a day. I was pretty close to tears seeing it. I have no idea who's donated or how much, but to know that people believed in something I'd written and created enough to actually want to support it and see it happen was frankly fucking awesome. I am so excited about this project and the idea that there might actually be a solution to the huge funding gap (thank you booking trains for paying utterly zilch) is amazing.

After I'd finished being blown away I went to bed. I dreamt about gutting people from various banks because (prior to totally relaxing) I'd had several ridiculous phone calls with my own bank. First I phoned my credit card to pay off my balance (as I do every month on the same day) and my payment was declined. Then my other bank phoned me to ask if everything was ok.

"Everything was fine, but you guys just declined my payment."
"Yes we did, can you just confirm who you are...for security reasons."
"You phoned me."
"Yes that's right, can you answer security questions... it's very noisy where you are - is there any way you could go somewhere quieter?"
"No, you phoned me. Can you please tell me why my payment just got declined?"
"Yes, we were worried it might be a fraudulent payment."
"Why? I do it every month?"
"Yes. Please can you confirm that you tried to make the payment?"
"Yes. I definitely did. Can you please just maybe only worry about fraudulent payments that I don't make every month?"
"So, you're saying it wasn't a fraudulent payment?"
"Well, unless I'm not me and you're verifying the payment with the person who tried to make it who isn't me."
"Exactly. This is ridiculous. Please can you release my money?"
"Can I just double check you withdrew £40 today?"
"And a standing order came out for £3.99?"
"Probably." What on earth do I buy monthly that's £3.99? Is there a magaznie I'm not getting...?
"And you spent £42 in the Isle of Dogs on Friday?"
"And the rest..."
"And Tesco in London Bridge..."
"I have absolutely no idea. Probably."
"Excuse me?" She soudns baffled.
"I can't remember what I spent yesterday. I'm really not your prime market for this whole questioning thing. My account seems fine, I am fine, we're all fine. Please will you leave me alone to pay my bills? Thanks though, for trying to help. But this is quite annoying. But thanks for making sure no one steals my money. Keep doing that, but maybe annoy me about it less? Thanks."
"Good bye Miss Lexx."

It's fairly likely that the bank probably now have me on a list of people whose accounts can go to hell in a handbasket should they be frauded. I think it might be time to start treatng my account like an adult... crap.

If you're interested in the show (Ink) please have a quick look at the funding page - I really don't expect you to donate, but if you could maybe just share it and help spread the word I would be so grateful.

To keep up with the project, you can follow where I'm keeping a rehearsal diary blog (it's less funny more Dawson's Creeky).

No comments:

Post a Comment