Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A Certain Who The Hell Knows
Listen folks, we've hit a brick wall.
I really need to go to Tesco. However, going to Tesco is going to require cleaning my teeth. One of the reasons I need to go to Tesco is to buy toothpaste. I could go foul mouthed (grubby teeth, not swearing at check out assistants) but then I would feel pretty gross. Also, going to Tesco is going to require getting dressed which I've so far avoided in favour of allowing my skin to cool as much as possible with air exposure so that when I go to my gig tonight I'm a little less Percy Pig-esque. This sun burn is going to have to go down soon or I'm going to run out of pink things to compare myself to.
So, I have two choices... I can either go to Tesco with gross teeth in the nude or I can stay here and hope that Tesco get wind of the supplies I need and come running with many bagels and a box set of the Gilmore Girls so that my afternoon will be as relaxed as possible.
I've still not gotten over the thrill of being able to do my own supermarket shopping - I feel like a proper grown up when I've got a trolley before me and I'm trundling down the aisles. I like to make sure I go up and down all the aisles and look at stuff and then nod wisely as though I already have it in my cupboards at home. I don't like people to imagine that I only actually have one cupboard in the kitchen and it's full of stuff that is only there because I really don't want to eat it but I don't feel like I should throw food out because I am very poor.
About once a week I go and look in the cupboard and decide I really still don't want to eat Fruit & Fibre with risotto rice and shaved nectarine on top. Then I defrost a bagel and wonder how long it will be until malnutrition sets in. The trick to getting a good supermarket trip right is to not go hungry. Never, ever, ever step inside the sliding doors until you have a full stomach. If you do not heed my advice you will find yourself heading home with bags and bags of Doritos, garlic bread, chocolate muffins and Pepperamis. Then you'll spend the rest of the week wondering why it didn't occur to you buy toilet roll or any of the other essentials that were definitely on a list somewhere to be made. So what if there is still no toothpaste? The nine bags of Haribo I bought whilst dying of starvation have now rotted my teeth to mini nubs anyway so the toothpaste is probably defunct anyway.
The problem with starting a blog at 11am about how you really need to get dressed and get on with your day and then noticing it's nearly 2pm and you've neither finished your blog nor left the house is that you start to wonder if narrating your life for no particular reason is getting in the way of living it. Not that I consider being clothed and walking the 100 yards to Tesco particularly living but it seems to be the best I can do.
Oh and ball crumbling bags of lemon curd I've now dawdled so much that it's raining like mad outside and if I do go to Tesco I'm going to get drenched. Perhaps a good reason not to bother getting dressed though and let the storm work it's magic on the sunburn? Balls to today.