What a horrendously unproductive day this has been... seriously, seriously unproductive... I am entirely blaming Vodafone for this because I was instructed to be at my house between the hours of 8am and 1pm to await the arrival of my new phone. In fact, I paid £5 for the privilege to sit here all morning mourning my loss of freedom. It's now nearly 3pm and after two calls to India and a look at the Royal Mail website it turns out my phone could arrive any time between now and Monday and there's nothing anyone in the whole world can do about it. No one. I am livid.
My anger has resulted in me doing literally nothing this morning. The most active thing I've done is decide that the world would be a much funnier place if eggs were called chicken potentials instead. I've thought long and hard about this and I think I would like to say "I ate two potential chickens this morning.", you would have to be careful that you didn't end up just sounding a little coy by syaing "I ate two chickens this morning... potentially." because that just makes it sound like you're a pig but nervous about admitting it.
It would also cause general brilliance amongst the upper classes who like to occasionally refer to each other as eggs. You could walk down any high street in Kensington and hear the phrase, "Oh he's a jolly good chicken potential if you ask me." and no one can deny that's funny,.
But other than that I've pretty much wasted this beautiful day thanks to that foul assed corporation that is literally incapable of carrying out the most basic of its duties as a service provider. Thanks to them, I'm actually watching Two and a Half Men. Scraping the barrel doesn't even come close.
All this cooped up nonsense is really making me feel like a zoo animal. Not an animal in my future zoo, but an animal who lives in a less brilliant zoo. I am so bored. I've trekked between the garden and the living room... I've looked at my room and considered tidying it... I've drunk more tea than is healthy (if you tap my tummy right now it makes a noise like a shaken snow globe) and now I'm blogging about my loathing of the big red apostrophe.
Tonight I am going out to celebrate a friend's birthday and have the opportunity to wear my new beautiful shoes... silver lining and all that.