Friday, April 29, 2011

Weak at The Knees - A Royal Wedding To Remember

So, what did you all think? Were upi tucked up in your bunting watching it in front of a roaring fire or were you partying at Westmister hoping to catch a glimpse of the happy couple?

For those of you that missed it, here is a quick recap of what happened... I was lucky enough to spend the day in Westmister Abbey as I happen to have friends in the know and so I've brought you this report live from the front line...

The bride's dressed was the first item of the day to cause a stir as she had shunned all the favourites in the running for designer and had gone with something much more contemporary. All the fashion world debate had focused on sleeves vs no sleeves, hair up vs hair down but I don't think anyone could have (or would have) predicted she'd wear a dress enitrely made from bleached denim with diamante pattern. She did opt for no sleeves, but you'd have to look closely to see that, as she'd taken the liberty of having the faces of her futue in-laws tattooed up and down the length of her arms. A bold choice for our future Princess.

The hair was carefully beehived and, were it not for the fact she had borrowed her enormous tiara from Miss Katie Price, you would have struggled to see it in amongst all the bouffant. You had to hand it to her, she'd done well.

As she made her way up the aisle it was interesting to see Prince Phillip repeatedly shaking the Queen and mouthing "Pull yourself together, she's not that common." I believe many punters believed it would have been the other way around. The happy couple sat and smiled their way through the service, Kate even let out a little gasp at one point - causing the entire conregation to check and see where Harry's hand was residing. It was a beautiful ceremony - the pair set light to 4 dozen doves and set them loose outside Westminster Abbey in an incredible display of affection and disdain for animal welfare.

The speeches were a mixed bag - Harry took the opportunity to tell Charles that he thought Camilla was a sour faced crumpet of a woman and that he was glad Charles wasn't his real father as it meant he didn't have to suffer the good night hugs with Camilla any longer. The Queen presented Kate with a cushion filled with Diana's hair that she'd been keeping for the birth of their first child but just thought it marked the occasion. Phillip was forcibly removed from the room before he could say a word.

It was a remarkable day. Out in the streets the moronic British public had tears in their eyes as they spoke about happy they were that two perfectly chiselled, perfect strangers had gotten married. They said they weren't entirely sure what it meant for the future of the country but they had heard a rumour it meant Diana could come back now and that we might be getting a new fountain.

Even now, as the sun sets and Harry stamps his foot in the background declaring he's tired of chasing grotty blonde trash and that he wants "a proper woman with proper sized teeth", one feels a great sense of pride in our Royal Family. I think, if anything, this wedding shows that they know exactly what the pubic wants and needs. When the economy is failing - let's all take the day off, when budgets are being slashed - let's show the public what they can't even have a tenth of, and when normal Londoners can barely even travel one tube stop of a weekend - let's just shut down the entire city for the sake of two people. God bless the ruling classes.

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