Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Zip Squeak

There's a gap in my mind where my blog for today should be... I've tried eating a bagel, watching a milisecond of Two and a Half Men to inspire me to better things, smashing the most useful bowl in the kitchen... none of it has worked. I'm now reduced to using time pressure because I have 18 minutes to finish this blog and publish it before I have to leave for my gig. We're going to have to pray that inspiration comes winging in through the bedroom window quite soon.

The only thing I can really envisage coming in through the window (which is closed) is some kind of drilling pigeon. The sheer amount of time it would take said winged adversary to get through the glass would give me sufficient time to either:

a) abandon my post at the desk and run for some hills
b) get my phone out and prepare to become a YouTube sensation

My brain is totally fried from an entire day spent sifting through stuff that makes me want to beat my fists against either people or my own chest. The most irritating things I've encountered today are:

The CV of a woman who is only 6 months older than me, has the same degree, and is earning nearly 50k a year. No amount of being consoled about how dismal her life must be makes me feel any better on my life choices.

The CV of a woman who had kindly thought to include a photo of herself on a night out with a large glass of wine in her hand. I suppose if nothing else she gave me faith that I am nearer the first woman on the scale of career success.

We've now got 12 minutes left to think of some comedy gold. I feel like I'm going to go to all this effort to produce something resembling sentences and then, the second I step out of my front door to go to my gig tonight, everything interesting in the whole will happen and I'll wish I hadn't bothered. I'm really hoping that my interesting thing will somehow involve Will Young. I really cannot explain quite how much I adore him. It'd be quite pleasant if he'd just be waiting on my doorstep looking a little awkward with all the seasons of Gilmore Girls (except season one because he's read my blogs and follows me on Twitter under a pseudonym and knows I already own it) and a bottle of sparkling wine and he wants to just hang out. He'll explain that this is really embarrassing and he doesn't usually do things like this but he just can't help himself because he just knows we'll be best friends if I give him the chance.

We've now got 8 minutes left because I had to just go down and check the front door (got myself a little over excited) - he was not there. Which, if nothing else, shows that if he is there when I go down and check again when I've finished this then he has excellent timing. Praise be to Mr Will Young for being brilliant in every single way imaginable. Hell. If he's not there then tomorrow's blog might be more tears than letters.

I'll keep you posted.


  1. When I hear of people who are supposedly like me earning sums that are vastly greater than the sums I earn I always ask myself the following relevant question:

    Should I be trusted with that amount of money?

    I mean, sure, I probably couldn't topple and economy on my OWN. But my spending habits and hopes are such that if there were lots of them I could create some serious economic loonyisms in the country.

    Be honest now Miss Lexx - should you be trusted with that amount of money?