Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Occupy Small Street

Two blogs in two days? Could it be that I have my mojo back? Or, could it be that I'm bored out my skull sitting and hoping there will be some work for me to do this week? Wisdom tells me that it's the latter but I shan't give up hope that boredom breeds mojo.

I'm currently sitting at a temping office where I have been since 8:30am. The theory here is that I come dressed up for work and then if they get any calls in or have any success pimping me out on the phone then I can go off straight to work. If they don't get any work in, I can go home at 10:30am. But, because I showed dedication by coming in here to sit, I am priority worker for this week. Huzzah for me or some such nonsense.
The brilliant thing about this is that as soon as I stepped through the door I was immediately told I probably wouldn't get any work, so I've been able to sit here and plan the most amusing way of getting myself home... seeing as I'm already suited and booted and will be on the 10:35 bus home, I'm going to steal a potted plant and a lot of pens and sit sadly on the bus pretending I've just been fired.
There will crying, gnashing of teeth and maybe some silent mouthing of children's names and the words "Christmas presents".

I'm supremely bored... it's at times like these you discover the incredibly low expectations on our generation when people suggest you can happily spend 2 hours on Facebook and see it as a positive way to spend a morning. Facebook is fine, but what are you supposed to do for 2 hours?
  • Checking whether previous conquests have toned up enough to consider getting back in touch - Between 8 and 17 minutes depending on results and photo evidence.
  • Examining the off spring of ex schoolmates to see if they are "mummys lil Princess" or a cross eyed ball of fat - 6 minutes (inc time spent to forward pictures to other friends).
  • Updating status with something witty - 3 minutes (on a good day)
  • Refreshing witty status to see if anyone has noticed - If you continue after 5 minutes you have issues.
  • Scouring your photos for one without a double chin that can be used as a profile pic - 15 minutes.
So... even with all that I can just about get through 45 minutes before absolute despair sets in and I am trying to think of new films I like to update my profile. However, if I log out of Facebook it leaves me in very dangerous territory where I'm staring at Google wondering what on earth I could search for that might make for some interesting research... I've already exhausted the life and times of D. Attenborough, the early acting career of Messrs Jason and DeVito, and the life expectancy of a naked mole rat when clothed.

Where do you go from there?

Of course the logical conclusion was to Google Facebook itself and have a gander about the precious "Previous Facebook" layouts that people get very uppity about once they've been updated. There is more uproar in this country about Facebook changing the homepage than there is about the dismantling of the NHS. Presumably because changing your Facebook status to "My leg fell off" will be the future equivalent to dialing 999 and you'll just sit and wait for Legs4U to get in touch with a quote.

However, despair I will not, because when you really fall on hard times there is always your spam box and the Daily Mash to keep you amused. Thank heavens you people have me and my hilarious musings to keep you occupied. You can thank me by a small round of applause by yourself in front of your monitor. Or just by not commenting *idiot* underneath this. BYE.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Laura, I was at your kentish town Gig/MC/cashier job in The Oxford on Saturday. Didn't get a chance to say it then, because it was the first time i'd seen you; well done, you held it all together really well! - especially the group of gobby ghetto girls, (yes i like alliteration, so help me) who you seemed to be winning over towards the end. I missed your surname originally so having googled the magic words: Laura, stand-up and somerset, thinking there can't be too many people matching that profile, i managed to find your blog, yay.
    I don't know if you remember but i was the one who turned up unfashionably early and we chatted about Tim Minchin amongst other things.
    Weird factoid for you: one of the other girls on the bill, Luisa Omeilan, went to the same college as me about a decade ago and i had no idea she was a stand-up! randomness! anyway this is turning into an essay, nice meeting you.