Monday, October 18, 2010

Monday Night's Alright in Blighty

'Sup folks and folkesses,

Soooooooo - it's Monday. Monday is usually my day in the office - BUT NOT TODAY. Today I got a special treat - today I went to Hull. Oh yeah! Green with envy? You should be. I was in Hull. I didn't really do anything in Hull but I have been there. So I can now tick that little British location of my chart of places to visit.

Consider yourself visited.
Will do my friend.


So...this weekend I also crossed the sleepy town of Uppingham off my 'To Visit' list. You could argue that it was less a case of ticking it off and more of a case of adding it so that I could then proceed to cross it out. Your argument could well be effective in finding the truth.

Laura, you added that to your fictional list so you could cross it off.
*hides pencil*

Uppingham is a miniscule village between Leicester and Peterborough and I went there for a small elf reunion. All the littlest elves were gathered into a coop and displayed proudly to passers by, for a shilling you could pet one. That last bit was not true - it was a ha'penny. NAY! Stop lying Laura. Ok. Loudy. I had a reunion with a few of the elves that I met in Lapland. We had a glorious weekend.

The highlight was definitely our trip to the smallest fun fair I've ever seen. It was incredibly tiny and we quickly located the three rides that we wanted to have a go on. The first was the waltzer - it was AMAZING. The desire to keep my head forward almost resulted in my neck breaking as the casually dressed lunatic in charge of spinning us decided to take us into hyperdrive. I struggled to stay sat whilst the waltzer went a waltzing, but somehow this Superdry clad spin operator managed to wander listlessly around our spinning vehicles, smoking, choosing a potential teen to finger, and spinning our addled brains into oblivion. Hats of to him.

We then went over to some sort of invention designed to cause severe inner thigh bruising and/or loss of dignity depending on the thickness of your tights. I was secured into my chair and eagerly awaited being flung every which and way and left. What I didn't anticipate was that, being a good 4 inches shorter than most folks, there would be a large gap between me and the over the shoulder holders. This meant I spend a large portion of the rider in thin air, and would arrive back on the seat and one end of the ride with a thump and some bruising that would be hard to explain if I ever went to bed with anyone other than David Attenborough in shiny silver disc form.

It was at this point that we realised the lack of queues between the rides was not necessarily a good thing, as the speed with which we went from one ill advised death trap to the other meant that the nausea from the previous ride had not fully abated by the time we signed up for the next.

Swallowing our misgivings, we clambered aboard the Dodgems. Ah, the dodgems. Now, the dodgems would have been brilliant fun had it not been for an evil demon child who decided to try and cause whiplash to anyone with 10 feet of his car. Which was all of us. I was very grateful to my fellow elves for deciding that is was indeed ok for 3 twentysomethings to gang up on a lone 14 yr old, all in the name of £2.50 well spent. So, we battered the crap out of him. I say we. I mean them. I, unfortunately, got a particularly hard whack from said devil child. Such a hard whack that my dodgem went mental. It got utterly stuck in reverse. Reverse was not even a function available in the dodgem. I played out the rest of my token flailing wildly and trying not to swear whilst making eye contact with the 4 and 5 yr olds who were wondering why the crazy lady was screaming.

It's a long time since I've been to the fun fair and it was definitely better than I ever thought it could be - not that I'll be rushing back any time soon. I am still vomiting candy floss and self-loathing.

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