Monday, August 9, 2010


Yesterday it seems, was the day when everyone just wanted to make it very clear they are much better than I am. It was not a pleasant thing to happen to one so small and competitive.

First off I got picked on by a 12 year old on the Mile who was flyering for Secret Garden...she came over to ask if I wanted to see Secret Garden and I very politely but firmyl said 'Hell no, I despise child performers and you are a little pesky.' but she was having none of it! So I told her our show was at the same time as hers so unfortunately we couldn't attend even if I did enjoy watching old shows rehashed with cute faces in place of tonality, I couldn't physically be in two places at once.

She then accepted the inevitable and may have worked out that a scowling midget wasn't the best person to have in the front row anyway, and asked what show we were doing. Our show isn't really suitable for children but so I thought I'd dismiss it nice and easy. I just said 'It's called Quiz In My Pants, here is the flyer, it's all very silly...'

She looked at the flyer, looked at me and said 'Yeah, I can see offence.'


"Yeah, I can see that you're show looks offence."

From a 12 year old wearing Hannah Montana spectacles, standing on a bollard singing tunes from the most boring musical on the planet. No offence...scrot bag. I am going to exact my revenge by telling everyone about this so-called 'Secret' Garden and then there will be no show because it will essentially be a public garden. Or a park. And no one wants to go and see a show about sick kids in a park. But someone will probably devise it and bring it to the fringe next year with the aim of really exposing the inner angst of all those involved. Hell I'm fed up with shows about inner angst. This is definitely why I love comedy - the world's a great place. Even with slamming Hannah Montana 12-year olds. It's all good. Bottle up your feelings people - we don't want to hear about them in the pub and we don't want to hear about them on the stage. We just don't care enough. Well, I don't care enough. Maybe feel free to write all the angst plays you want, but I won't be there? That's fair. Lovely.

So that was great about yesterday. Show went much better yesterday - steady improvement is always grand! Lovely guest spot from Tiernan Douieb who has helped us out massively on our opening weekend. Unfortunately our second guest was unable to come along at the last minute so we enlisted the help of audience member Christina who had some of the best banter I've ever witnessed. What a woman. I think it adds a certain risk element to the whole show if the audience have guest potential...brilliant.

This morning I went to get my hair cut. I have had an Edinburgh Fringe cut in - giggle he he, I like to take things literally! Unfortunately I got asked for ID ordering the coffee I'm currently supping so I fear I may have just undone 17 years of facial maturing in one fell swoop. Error. My official Scottish haircut feels very nice and I think I'm looking less like a haystack than I have done for the last year. I forget how much I actually like going to the hair dressers - hence only having been once in the last year. But it's basically a place where they massage your head, give you tea and talk to you like they care about your life delightful. My hairdresser today was very lovely and even asked if I wanted to leave some QIMP flyers in the reception for her clients...she may regret that tomorrow when they all come in mildly confused and wearing pants in the wrong places...

Last night was a little piece of carnage nicely sewed into an upside down purple cow...I entirely blame Keith Farnan and Tiernan Douieb for hosting a quiz with alcohol for sale at the Underbelly. It was a little downhill from there, especially after we came second and won a beach bat and ball set... swigging from a bottle of wine and playing 'On the wonk table tennis' is not something classy young ladies do and I hope you can all learn a lesson from me. I'm offially taking one for the team on this one. Was a beautiful sight to see the leading actress from the five star show 'Laura' (at the Hive if you're interested - it's incredible) batting a DVD of Anthony (the gnomey one) from Big Brother doing a work out down the cobbled street at approximately 3 am. He flew like a bluebird on a kite and it may well be the most pleasure anyone has ever got from his DVD.

Beyond that the world got a little hazy and I would feel ashamed of this but it was Sunday. And er, I get forgiven I think. Is that how religion works? No idea.

Gots to run away now and start working on the new and exciting rounds for todays Quizzing...if you're in Edinburgh we're on at 4:20pm everyday at the Dragonfly. Delicious. See you there.

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