I feel like this is one of those things that should never have needed saying, it's up there with:
"Maybe choose Scouts over Hitler Youth" and "No, there's nothing in vaginas that makes voting democratically difficult" but, it seems I'm going to have to go ahead and say it:
THERE IS NOTHING SEXY ABOUT YOGHURTS.
Stop trying to make yoghurt sexy through the power of advertising.
Not a single woman in the country has watched Nicole Hertzybertzy tucking into a champagne yoghurt and raced to Co-op for a cornery pot of disappointment.
Yoghurt is boring and unsexy.
The closest yoghurts come to being sexy is in treatment of downstairs problems. And that is not sexy at all. It is only even vaguely in the sexy corner because it's near the sexy area. BUT IT'S AT THE OTHER END OF THE SEXY SPECTRUM EVEN THOUGH IT'S PHYSICALLY VERY NEAR THE SEXY AREA.
Yoghurt is wet, cold and gloopy and usually fruity. Fruit is not anywhere near chocolate or other comforting foods. Yoghurts are not carby or meaty. They are yoghurty. BORING BORING YOGHURT IS NOT SEXY.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME THINK YOGHURT IS SEXY.
Yoghurt is boring.
The next yoghurt advert you make needs to be a lady and a man eating a yoghurt because they like yoghurt. Not for any other reason. Buy yoghurt because you like yoghurt. If you're doing it for any other reason then you are not being true to yourself.
Yoghurt needs to be loved for what it is, not what you want it to be. Don't be a dick about it.
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