Wednesday, February 29, 2012

This Time Last Year It Wasn't

So, a leap year, huh?

Well, thanks "tradition" or whatever bollocks means girls can propose to boys today. Thanks for our one day of romance. Now I will be spending an entire Wednesday sitting by the phone waiting for David to respond to my many calls, texts and emails. Wednesdays must be pretty busy for him. I understand.

For this reason, I don't really have time to write a proper blog post because I don't want to use up all my broadbands on this and miss an important incoming tweet from the man himself.

I've put out a few feelers and been getting my back ups in order just in case he doesn't get back to me today. So far I've approached Will Young and Danny DeVito (not in real life because I'm not a good shouter and I've not been allowed within 300 yards of them since 2007).

No responses as yet. Will keep you posted.

Later on today I am aiming to track down (potentially actually) the following men to see if they were waiting for me:

David Beckham - I hear his wife is so small these days that it's not actually bigamy for him to marry someone under 9 stone.

Tim Minchin - I will be dressed as a piano and offering to go on tour with him.

Sheldon Cooper - I'm hoping to convince him my maiden name is Bazinga and offer to allow him to use it too.

John Cena - I don't mind if he doesn't want to marry me as he leads a very dangerous lifestyle but I would quite like to just curl up on his chest for a while and sleep like a lizard on a warm rock.

Robbie Williams - I will present him with the diaries I kept through my teenage years where I faithfully wrote to nobody that if Robbie had just come for a long weekend at my house I could have helped him out with the anonymity he craved after fame at such a young age. And I could have given him some lovely sex. Lovely over excited sex.

Lord Bath and Kate Humble - they have to marry me as a pair and let me live with Keeper Brian Kent who also loves wolves as much as I do.

Obviously, all offers will be withdrawn should Mr Attenborough manage to give me a call today. Unless they're all right with some kind of weekend custody deal.

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