Sunday, December 4, 2011

End the Week For The Love of Mike

Today I have made bread, tidied my room, vacuumed, eaten the bread and watched Turner and Hooch... all whilst wearing a lovely woolly hat and a contented little smile. This is one of my most productive days in recent memory and it is due firmly to me not being hung over today. I think the world would be a lot more efficient if we rotated a system of alternating hang overs, because everyone knows that the first day after a hang over you feel so grateful to be better that you will achieve everything impossible in case you are mysteriously struck down the next day. Obviously, it's not a huge mystery because the empty wine bottles are still all over the place, but it's a mystery as to why you drank that much in the first place when you know you are the first to be dancing on a time to Carly Simon when the time comes.

Friday night was an interesting night... I was literally dreading going. Twas a birthday party which was only to be attended by people I didn't know. I knew the birthday celebrator obviously or it would have just been me crashing a party and the last time I did that I was banned from the Charlie Chalk play area for ball pooling with inappropriate footwear. But the night out was fun and bearable and all that stuff. I'm not sure letting someone do a shot of tequila (salt, lime, entire kit and kaboodle) off my chest was a classy highlight of my life but you cannot say I do not know how to make new friends. Fact.

So yesterday I had to eat the obligatory kilo of bacon to try and soak up the residual Sauvignon. I don't know why they don't just add alcohol straight to bacon, or at least glaze it, or at least get the pigs nice and drunk before they kill them... alcohol clearly makes the stuff taste much better than it usually would so why go to the hassle of consuming them separately? If I ruled the country then there would be a lot of caterers out of business because all buffets would be limited to bacon sandwiches in one hand and a glass of something evil in the other. Happy days. Vegetarians and tea total folks are probably going to have to stay in a lot. Or protest. But they're not going to have the energy or drunken creativity to protest in a way that will circumvent our pork induced devil party so we won't even notice.

My woolly hat and I are going to make burgers from scratch now... jealous much? Course you are. It's a great woolly hat.

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