Heavy on the Foghorn

I think I'm more in love with my filofax than most of the people on the planet. Some folks might choose to have a security blanket - I choose my little red leather, heart decorated filofax. I very rarely go anywhere without my filofax and on the one occasion I did leave it somewhere I shouldn't have, I was devastated and had to have it posted to me immediately by an excellent friend who completely understood why I was havign heart palpitations.

My filofax has a few different apps - it's got a diary section, a tube map, a world map (with time zones), an address book and a notes section. It's got a white elastic strap to stop me losing all my data and it has a battery life that pretty much synchs with me... ie, if I'm asleep I can't access my data but as soon as I'm recharged it's ready to go too.

I think my filofax is much more practical than an electric device that could store my life details. It's cosy and quaint and never, ever beeps innapropriately during meetings. Indeed, it can't call anyone... but my faithful Nokia brick does that quite satisfactorily thanks very much. An iPhone 4 might make you seem sexy and give off a vibe that you're wealthy and cool - but, if I accidentally gave off that impression then I'd end up in a ghastly unsatisfactory relationship. Much better, I think, to clutch my filofax on the streets of London and give off the 'anally retentive control-freak' vibe and hopefully end up catching the eye of someone compatible. Or a social worker.

The thing that puzzles me about my filofax is that I've never specified the gender or name of my filofax. This might not seem like a big deal, but I name and gender specify pretty much everything. We've probably covered most of this during our time together but just so that you're all up to speed -

Work Laptop - girl, 'Della' (She's a Dell)

My Laptop - boy, 'Bug Juice' (He's an Acer, which, was the name of a fat blonde boy who cried a lot on an American TV show about summer camp called Bug Juice.)

Cutlery - Knives - Men (Dads), Forks (Women - Wives), Spoons (Uncles), Teaspoons (Adopted children).

Days of the week - (See previous blog somewhere along the line as it's long winded)

Mp3 Player - Current model is a boy (because he's an awkward tosser who tends to play exactly the wrong thing at inopportune moments). My mp3 players are traditionally named after Gods as my first one was a Creative Zen and so was called Buddha.

Bed - Ryan (Boy).

Car - Roly (Because my Dad says he is more like a roller skate than a car. He is right.) Boy.

Teapots - Claude (Boy, French) , Maude (Girl, Not French but in love with Claude), Christopher-Robin (he's Winnie the Pooh decorated), Rodney and Del Boy (not tea pots, actually a set of china tea cups and saucers who are very delicate and therefore it amuses me to name them after such rogues.) Rosie (a wonderful woman, the biggest of my brood and very jolly.)


So... what I can't fathom is why I've not got there with my filofax? I can't force my naming process... or the gender vibes that I get off stuff. It's a very natural process. I feel like she's a girl. She's almost certainly a girl... but what is she called?

I think I might open this up as a competition. Please leave your suggestions for names, perhaps with a reason, and we'll run this like some kind of Blue Peter competition. I actually promise that the winner will get some kind of badge.

If I need to seriously procrastinate during March, there might also be some kind of naming ceremony that the runners up will get an invite to.

Go...