A Cautionary Tale

I feel very strange today...like there's a really delicate balance that I don't want to upset by feeling any emotion too strongly.

And that, Lords, Ladies and Gentleman, is how you open a blog if your target demographic is 12-18 year olds with self-esteem issues.

But, it's also kind of true. It's ok, I'm not going to go spilling all my inner most feelings and then text you after with lots of emoticons and a message about how I'm really glad you're there for me. I just feel a little weird. Which is certainly not as good as feeling a little beard. I have a very odd sensation (and it might seem even odder once I've tried to explain it) that I want to have nothing to look forward to for a while...now, stay with me on this one folks. Please don't abandon hope and think I'm dreaming of a life where I have nothing to live for. This is not what I mean.

What I mean is...I'd just like to be able to live completely in the moment for a while. (I mean really Laura, what are you writing about? If this carries on you are actually going to have to move to California.) I would like to have no potential surprises (good or bad) or things to rush to because of the excitement. I'd just like to trundle for a while...just, be. And be ok with being. (Please notice the fact you are turning what is usually an amusing and completely irrelevant blog into a tirade on your desire to live in a bubble with no potential disasters? Please notice and shut the fuck up immediately.) Perhaps now's a really good time to start just doing things that feel like they ought to be done just because... (like laughing at old people?)

I've done several things so far today which suggest to me that my mental balance is somewhat off kilter... (starting with writing your blog in a semi-schizophrenic fashion where you're talking to yourself using brackets and bold lettering?)

1. I tweeted Danny DeVito to tell him I'm in love with him. (Shit, yes...I remember that.) Now, this might seem like quite a superficial thing to have done. He probably won't read it, he probably gets it all the time, he might have seen my Facebook status about it a few weeks ago anyway so it won't even be a shock. But, to me, it was something I just had to do. I was suddenly absolutely overcome with a desire to tell him that his trollfoot photos make my world go round and I have a really intense love for his face. It's a huge weight off my mind to be honest.

2. I've listened to my collection of Disney music twice. Listening to Disney in the office isn't a bizarre thing to do at all...in fact I do it all the time. But today I did it purely because I want to listen to Mrs Potts' voice. Then I want to scoop up her and Danny and for us all to go to Adventureland togather. Adventureland was the nearest theme park to me when I was a wee lass and was the home of the first death slide I ever went down. ( I have nothing scathing to say here. We're actually both quite big Disney fans. I like Ursula more than Potts though.)

3. I've booked tickets and been counting down the hours until my train pulls out of Paddington station tomorrow evening and I'm thundering my way back to the West Country for some rest and peace with my family. (I must admit I've still not quite fathomed why the skinny writing voice appears to be in charge in this scenario while I'm the amusing asides. I clearly have a better grasp on how to behave in polite society right now.) Usually I'm quite excited about going back (this weekend's excursions include a trip to the gym with my sisters and some finger painting with my nephew). I'm also gigging in front of a home crowd for the first time ever. Spazzam. (Spazzam, that's right ladies and gents. She's using 'Spazzam'. Sectioning?) So, the weird thing here though, is that I actually, physically can't wait to go. I keep finding myself day dreaming about being on the train. In my day dream Danny is there too and he's offering me a finger from his KitKat. He's wearing a red and white checked shirt and reading the Telegraph.

(Are you wrapping up soon? I think I need to take you home.)

So...this really is a cautionary tale that extreme mental and physical tiredness, a devotion to a small, hairy American man, and one of the most boring offices in the world will inevitably spawn a dual personality syndrome and a wittery blog that no one particularly enjoyed. (Good work, dickhead.)