I've had a lazy morning... Saturdays are the best day of the week because you're not forced to drink your breakfast wine in a Starbucks flask to try and 'fit in'.
However, what should have been a lazy morning that relaxed me, has totally frustrated me and made me entirely angry at the world at large. It's my own fault for switching on the goggle box. I was up happily early, learnt my speeches for today's audition and then thought 'What harm could it do?'...
Well, at first it was fine. I hung out with Sue Sylvester for a while and even the inclusion of Gwyneth Paltrow in my Glee fix didn't annoy me. Slightly peeved that they ended the show on Rihanna as she frightens me intensely and I'm 90% sure she's a robot. But, I was coping?
Then I tried to watch Michael Palin... this is where the cracks started to show. I had to turn it off - not because of the quality of the show... but just because I wanted to be in Japan. I've got really itchy feet at the moment. Of the 'yearning to travel' variety, not the 'athletes foot style'. My top 3 places to visit (at the moment - let's not forget I'm pretty fickle) are -
1. Peru
2. San Francisco
3. Norwegian Fjords
I really don't have the means to go to any of them right now as it would involve taking an inordinate amount of time out of the entertainment world and I'd have to spend all my funds currently labelled 'Edinburgh'. I never thought there would really be a day where I would be voluntarily choosing Edinburgh over the mountains of Macchu Picchu. But here we are. My what a strong maternal cord the stage has.
So I flicked off Michael Palin. Which is a brilliant sentence that everybody should say at least once in their life - try it now... "I flicked off Michael Palin".
But adverts invaded my bubble. Adverts designed to annoy and patronise and shovel more of your hard earned wages out of your wallet onto stuff you've been persuaded you want. I don't necessarily blame the advertisers for being heartless losers - if you don't want to buy something you don't have to, but can we at least be advertised at as though we are vaguely intelligent?
Case Study 1 - Some advert for some skin care stuff for men that starts out with 'Leather dries out... just like your skin. So you need blah blah blah moisturiser to keep your skin soft and supple...'
Um, why do we need the leather bit? I'm sorry... but that, to me, is like saying - "This hay can catch fire, and, technically, so could your hair... so you need...."
Leather used to be skin. Yes. But then it was stripped off the cow. Now, it is leather. It is a shoe, or a bag... your skin is different. By all means, use the moisturiser... but don't use it because leather dries out once it's been treated and turned into a bag. Use moisturiser because you either want or need to use moisturiser. And, probably, you won't need to use moisturiser if you don't start because - news flash - your skin is cleverer than a mangy strip of leather and it can moisturise itself! The only reason it wouldn't moisturise itself properly is if you don't moisturise your body (drinking water) or you ply it with artificial moisturiser so that it no longer needs to produce the levels of moisture necessary for it to be moisturised.
Ok?
Good.
Case Study 2 - "Windows gives me the family that nature never could."
There is so much wrong with this as a broadcast phrase that I barely want to delve. It hurts me a little inside. If you would rather have a family created by Windows than a real one I suggest you pop to Game Station and buy The Sims. Then you can have total control. Leave the real people to folks who deserve them. Because you are a tosser. And you've just stated a preference of a family of dick heads who crash frequently and monopolise large portions of the conversation.
I've turned off the TV now. Back to box sets of shows so I don't have to bore you all with self-inflicted rants on a regular basis.
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