Monday, February 11, 2013

Losing Omens

So, here's a post I've been meaning to do for a while. All about why I hate Finding Nemo. And yes, before you ask, yes I do hate Dory.

I hate Finding Nemo. I hate the film, I hate all the characters, I hate the nauseating plot and I hate that I've sat through it more than once.

I firmly believe Finding Nemo is an animators project to make a collection of wholly irritating and unloveable characters beloved by having some of the most spellbinding graphics yet produced for a film.

Here are some of the reasons I hate Finding Nemo:

Marlin is a horrible, rude, mean spirited, over bearing yucky little fish who should either learn to become a delicacy or just lie down in an anemone until something unmentionable happens due to natural causes. In the wild, lady clown fish will leave a man clown fish if he doesn't keep the anemone up to scratch. WHAT ABOUT IF HE'S JUST THE MOST PLAIN FACED BORING PERSNICKETER THAT EVER SWAM THE SEVEN SEAS? I would throw myself down the gullet of a much larger fish too, if I was his bride and saddled with his million yucky egg babies. Fuck off Marlin. Nobody likes you, not even your own son.

Nemo is a disgraceful little upstart who needs boundaries. He has an irritating voice, he is so egotistically challenged that he gets his Dad pretty much killed over trying to prove himself a worthy man/fish. This isn't World's Strongest Fish, Nemo, you have to know your weaknesses. Your weakness is your gimpy fin. Deal with it. You live in the ocean - the best thing you can probably do is feed something else. I know it sounds harsh, but you irritate me immensely and I'll feed you to anything just to get you off my screen.

Dory. There is nothing special about Dory. Oh! She has memory loss?! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. She's a fish! She doesn't have much of a capacity for memory anyway. It's not a character trait if it's just an excuse to do the same tired old joke through the entire film. Yuck.

Some more things I hate about Finding Nemo:

The dentist. Yuck. I hate dentists. Darla. Yuck. All of the other characters. Yuck. The plot. Yuck.

I think I've made my point.

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