Monday, May 28, 2012

Exodus - Hoopla! Stereotypes Ahoy

Things I have had to learn to stop doing since leaving London:

Rolling my eyes at people who take longer than 3 seconds to go through an electronic gate
Judging anyone voluntarily on Oxford Street
Swearing at people who don't understand "Stand on the Right"
Leaving an hour to get anywhere, including my garden
Spitting on the floor at any mention of the Olympics
Finding reasons to pop into Harrods and sketching the escalators for the day I have my own mansion
Practising my "Is she pregnant?" glances
Budgeting 50% of my wages for the cost of getting to work
Duct taping my personal possessions to my pockets
Being less than thrilled not to pass a Monopoly location during my day
Pretending to be Eliza Doolittle in Covent Garden
Navigating using only a river as a point of reference

Things I have had to start doing since arriving in Brighton:

Googling "hemp"
Switching prospective names for firstborn from Joseph to Precious Malachi
Pretending I've always lived in Brighton to avoid judgement
Dealing with hill induced calf cramp
Making eye contact
Accepting my neighbours are people too
Budgeting 50% of my wages for the cost of making my hair look like I belong in Brighton
Taking care to watch for sharks
Navigating using only a fucking massive expanse of water as a point of reference
Allocating time to spend in Homebase choosing a delinquent shade of yellow to paint my future house

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