Friday, February 26, 2010

Santa needs Tena?

I guess one of the most memorable days was working with a particularly old Santa, with particularly old man requirements...

Working at the Grotto required a full 9 hour day on site without any real break to get a meal, relieve oneself or do anything besides laugh off harrassment from children and grandparents. During training, when inquiring what we should do if the toilet was desperately required we were instructed to depart from our all in one elf and snow suits and engage in full on snow graffitti of the worst kind...never, I repeat, never eat yellow snow behind the back of Santa's cabin.

The only trouble (and I use only as though this were a small problem), with this idea is that unless you are a gent with some kind of urinary release pipe, emanicpating oneself from 2 all in one suits and a lot of thermals is not the easiest thing to do. No one wants to be greeted by pissy the elf with the interesting stains and the funky steaming leg. Splash back is not acceptable in the toy making world. So us lady elves were faced with the conundrum of either shimmying out of as much of our clothing as possible and braving our lady gardens to a tidy minus 30 degree outside world or risking kidney infection by hanging on in there. Needless to say by the end of the month we were masters in pelvic floor exercises and thrush was rife.

Santa however, was having none of our English stoicism and dislike of frostbitten fananga. On a particularly busy day at the North Pole the tired old git decided that going to spell his name in the snow was a mission far more important than any other under the non-existent sun. As we prepared to greet the sleigh of children arriving, he slipped out from his post and disappeared around the side of his cabin.

"Er, Santa? Santa, you've kind of got children coming now."

Sleigh edges closer.

"Santa...are you about done? It's just that there's a little boy here to see you?"

Sleigh is approximately 30 feet from the cabin. 3 worried elves. 1 invisible Santa.

"Santa, please could you come back to the cabin? This is getting serious..."

no response. 3 elves looking worriedly at each other as to how to remedy the situation. 1 elf realising she must venture round the side of the grotto to fetch our wandering hero.

"Santa, could you put your knob away please I need to come and speak to you?"

1 lone elf heading into the unknown...

1 Santa reappears shaking off and zipping up.

3 elves feeling a little bit queasy.

For everything else there's mastercard?

1 comment:

  1. " I do Paddington two times a week"
    "Yes Paddington, two times a week"
    "Paddington bear? But what, what do you do?"
    "When I play badminton I am not so stiff"