Disaster on the Orient Express

Erm...so. I went for an interview this evening for a position as a radio presenter...it was interesting.

I think you know an interview/audition is going well when the interviewer asks 'Have you ever considered the noise coming out of your mouth?'...you become achingly aware the position might not be right for you when you immediately respond with 'It's usually my most reliable method of making noise.'

I was really keen to get this role - I'm dying to get some radio experience and have yet another outlet for all the words that regularly accumulate in my brain.

The problem is that I speak too fast...and the words have a tendency to come out as one. One big mushy word - a bit like a trifle taken to school by a 6 yr old. A 6 yr old with Parkinsons. There's no space bar with the spoken word - I think it's something we could do with introducing to the modern world.

When I first learnt to write we were taught to put our baby finger after the last word we had scrawled before starting the next one. This way you got an appropriate sized space between your words. I'm thinking this approach could work for me when talking - when I've finished saying one word I will briefly put my finger to my lips (the baby one) (finger not lips) (I don't have baby lips) (I don't have baby lips ANYWHERE on my body) (I feel it's important to stress that) and then repeat between each word...

Hopefully people will find this a cute tic and they won't have me sectioned.

It's not a natural feeling for a stand-up comedian to try out for radio I don't think. I found it quite difficult to get it into my head that people wouldn't be able to see me. I spend most of my life assuming people are looking at me - either because an unruly item of clothing will be tucked somewhere it shouldn't be or because I'm fucking beautiful and people just should be staring at me.

"It's not that you're not funny Miss Lexx...it's just that - well, do you listen to much radio?"
"Mainly Radio 2..."
"Chris Evans?"
"Yes. Why?"
"That explains it."

Right...

Which either means I should be coming into some serious money soon which I can then lose on seriously stupid decisions...or that I give off the vibe of 'annoying ginger twat'. Either way I'm not sure it's a good thing. I potentially won't keep my fingers crossed all the way to the results of tonight...