Jaunty Spoof Song, or "I have issues"

Where can you find boredom
Have your hopes and dreams stamped on?
Learn stapler technology
Where can your personality fall through?
On the desk or on the screen
Where can you learn to sleep with your eyes open
Play with a mouse and hard drive
Study pornography
Sign up for the sports team
Or listen to gossip with the obigatory scream
When your team and others meet


In the office
Yes, you can surf the world wide web
In the office
Yes, you can set your mind to blank
In the office
Come on now, people, this is wank
In the office, in the office
Why can't I see your other hand?
In the office
Come on, you know that website's banned!
In the office
Come on and join your fellow drone
In the office
Come on people, have a moan
In the office, in the office, in the office (in the office)


They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit


If you like adventure
Don't even plan to enter
The recruiting office fast
That original thought will be your last
I'm telling you on the level
They're signing you to the devil,
Maybe you are too young
To join up today
You might still have a chance,
To escape a suit lobotomy



In the office
You can use a pen without supervision,
In the office
The highlight of your year is Eurovision
In the office
Come on now, people, make a coffee
In the office, in the office
Try not to staple through your hand
In the office
Come on, admire the hordes of the fake tanned
In the office
Come on and save your precious cells
In the office
Come on people, escape your compartmentalised hells
In the office, in the office, in the office(in the office)


They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit


Who me?


They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit


But, but but I'm afraid of fuckwitted boring people who only care about money, channel 4 and where they're going to throw up in their hair at the weekend.
Hey, hey look
Man, I get cold sweats just thinking abotu walking through the glass doors at the front and trying to pretend that a spreadsheet is a challenge and that I always dreamed of being asked whether I thought a red letter head was more interesting than a blue one!


They want you, they want you in the office


Oh my goodness.
What am I gonna do in a pencil skirt and heels all day smiling vaccuously into the space where my monitor was but that is now a grey blur because my eyes have glazed over and I've carved my extension number into my arm with a compass so the mouse has stopped working because it's covered in congealed blood but no one has noticed because we are all to conditioned to the pain of having your soul dripped out day at a time by the monotony of these 4 walls?


They want you, they want you in the office.