Scottish Chicago

So, did you know that Edinburgh is known as the Windy City? No, neither did I. But it is. I was fairly confident that chicago had already bagged this gassy accolade but apparently Edinburgh is up there too because it doesn't fit 'the stereotype of Scottish weather'. Er, guys? I'm afraid it does. Windy is very much a part of the steroetype because the wind blows in the cold, and the rain, and the anoraks.

My feelings towards this whole windy thing are mixed at best. Good - I like to wear my anorak and not get judged by snobby London muppets. Bad - I'm pretty much terrified of wind. There's a short list of things I'm scared of which mainly consists of tummy buttons, birds and wind.

The problem with wind is that there's not getting away from it - it's the ninja of the weather world. You can't even tell it politely to go away, because essentially that's all it's doing. It's a massive conundrum. For a person who's small by design, wind can be a tricksy entity that often causes you to sway a little bit or take a surprise two steps to the left when you come out of the shelter of buildings.

It's a bully, is what it is. My favourite 'story' (parable? meh) is the one where the great ass munching wind and the sun have the battle to make the person take off her coat. And the wind gets egg all over his face. Take the egg you snot goblin wind. Although, putting egg in the wind's face is just taking lots of egg (in my imagination it's scrambled but you can choose) and throwing it in the air willy nilly so you'll probably have equal amounts of it on your own face too. Metaphorical egg on his face. But the point is, (what the fuck could the point possibly be? This is a ridiculous paragraph), the point is, the wind failed. IT FAILED. It was defeated because it is powerless to get us naked. No naked wind time. Because that would be stupid. So unless we all want to have nudity banned from our lives we should probably sign a petition asking Boris Johnson to add wind stabbing to the Olympics in 2012. It might not even be such a bad idea, because we could all take out a bit of stress with a carving knife and a breeze. Although you would have to take great care to make sure there were no people in your wind at the time of the stabbing or there'd be some pretty weird court cases. I doubt you could get off by claiming you were 'aiming for the wind and his jugular got in the way.' But I'd be happy to help you try.

Massively digressed. But I think it was important so never mind.

I have a zillion things to do today and have got part way through my list. Tea numero uno has been drunketh (I didn't get my company of tea tiddled, I supped her til she was gone. Tea is a girl, coffee a boy. Fact.). My shower has happened - nd was INCREDIBLE! In our delicious little flat in the heart (if by heart you mean appendix) of Edinburgh, we have the Shower of Dreams. This is a shower so powerful that your hair has to come up with reasons to plead with the water that it deserves to stay on your head. Any miniscule piece of tension I had left in my shoulders has been aqua pummelled into oblivion and I am now burdenless. Except that, half way through the hot water ran out...but I now have an accurate idea of what being Victoria Falls in winter might be like so swings and roundabouts. Blog is nearing completion (although I fear it will have insecurity issues compared to the poetry marathon of yesterday), and now I have the following to complete -

* Go and find out why the smoke alarm beeps constantly. I have a headache.
* Go and have a coffee with ane either very hungover or still drunk fellow. (this is pre-arranged, I'm just not sure of his current state - I'm not going to go and find someone who fits either description on the street and ask them to share a Mocha.)
* Go blackboard, pen and shower gel shopping.
* Scope our Quiz In My Pants venue (The Dragonfly) in prep for our first show at 4:20pm tomorrow. (Plugged the shit out of that. Butt plug.)
* Generally feel a bit worried and nervous about whether we've chosen the best rounds to test out tomorrow for Experimental Show 1.

The difficult thing with a show like ours is that we cannae (oh yeah that's right I'm blending in with the locals) really test how each round is going to work effectively until we've got the guests, who are busy folk and cannot all come round for biscuits and a run through. But we're confident we have sufficient madness to make them all look fairly stupid or funny while the audience have a good time and think about how much they want to see more of the Edinburgh comedy scene.

The 8 or 9 hour car journey yesterday had a profoundly catatonic effect on my brain which I'm hoping will have disappeared by tomorrow at the latest. It was massively helped along by the viewing of 'Chaos Control' by The Noise Next Door who are very, vairy funny chaps that you should all go and see if you're in Edinburgh. Both of you readers. Do it now. I then got merrily tipsy with some locals who I met whilst minding my own business drinking and planning what shows to see today. If you're out there Rod and Nick, you are the weirdest pair of people I've met in a long time. I salute you. But as a consequence of your distracting I now have no idea what shows I'm going to see today and am getting further and further behind in my list. C'est difficile.

Let's go windy city, I'm zipping up the mac and out on the cobbles for what is essentially, Proper Day the First of my Edinburgh existence...