Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Peace Porn

In the year 2021 there was a war that blew the heads off too many people. Obviously, not the people who could afford not to have their heads blown off. They were in war bunkers, inside mountains, in submarines and in huge underground excavations beneath their houses.

The war of the year 2021 lasted only 8 months but killed over 50% of the world's population. The ferocity, the scale of the fury and the weaponry development meant that the war could kill quickly, and in huge numbers. Political opinion polls said that people were cross with each other and wanted a government that would do something about it. So governments all over the world did something about each other.

In the year 2021 so many people had died that the world was threatening to stop working. The people in the bunkers and excavations noticed that the dust was mounting up. They noticed that the staff had fewer and fewer grocery bags when they returned from shopping. The staff reported that there were fewer and fewer groceries on the shelves. The shop managers said there were fewer and fewer people to find and make and produce food.

Television advertisers noticed lower revenues from their adverts because there were fewer and fewer people to watch TV and buy things. The television advertisers phoned the producers and said to make reality TV better to draw more people into watching. The producers said reality wasn't worth watching.

The people in the bunkers realised they couldn't make as much money if there were fewer people. Other people in other bunkers realised that if there were only candidates left, they would all vote for themselves. One person in one bunker had run out of toilet roll and didn't want to have to buy that sort of stuff for herself if the staff got killed.

There was a meeting of bunker people where they all agreed that they would have a better chance of staying rich and powerful if the war stopped.

They agreed to stop the war. They signed a treaty which declared there would be no more weaponry, no more defence, no more attack... no more war. All military property and power was signed over to a Global Regulatory Body who watched over everything and put all the guns in a safe. Only water pistols were allowed from that day on.

On the anniversary of Cessation Day the countries decided to each make a gift to each other to show they meant well forevermore. France gave Albania an ornate vase. Kenya gave Hungary the contents of a zoo. The UK gave the USA the concept of free healthcare but they were too suspicious to use it. Thought and care went into the gifts going each way but everyone knew that Pakistan's gift of free hospitality to any Swedish national who came to stay, was the kindest most thoughtful gift of them all.

On the second anniversary of Cessation Day every country wanted to out do Pakistan's thoughtfulness from the previous year. Governments hired their best minds, most strategic thinkers and wackiest inventors to come up with something brilliant they could offer.

The quality of the gifts stepped up as the years went by... Germany presented Bolivia with hover boards (and the required helmets), New Zealand unveiled a new high calorie additive that could be safely added to milk and gave it freely to Ethiopia. The United Kingdom handed back the contents of the British Museum and sold the building, giving the proceeds to Egypt.

As the years went on the rivalry between countries that had once been funnelled into gun barrels was wrapped in crepe paper and passed around the world. Politicians peacocked and media publications competed for national supremacy but they did it with gifts. All the graduates, inventors and engineers who had once orchestrated the most effective shrapnel were refocused onto projects like The Best Fireworks Japan's Ever Seen, Here's How We Shove It to Italy by Inventing a Time Machine and In Your Face Australia - This Is a Rabbit Proof Fence.

In 2024 Denmark freed Nigeria from malaria. Nigeria didn't wait until 2025 to share it's gift with others (it already had some very cool ideas up it's sleeve and didn't want to postpone them until 2026).

In 2027 when flooding and storm damage wrecked much of agricultural Thailand, Jamaica knew it's gift that year would be fixing and reinstating the lives of those broken.

Never before in human history had intelligence, invention and engineering come on so quickly and so vigorously in all directions. Diseases were cured, famines were aided and technology was paraded around for all to see as governments put all their gun money into the competition. No one wanted to show weakness.

Arguments raged, alliances were formed and enemies made. It was much like before, for human nature could not be changed that easily, but it was making something. Not destroying.

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