Uncle Olly had a funny face. He had hair that grew right out of it - covering his cheeks right down from his ears to his chin. Uncle Olly didn’t have a beard like Grandpa, or long hair like Mummy. Uncle Olly had side-burns.
Oliver wanted side-burns more than anything else in the world. He wanted side-burns as big as Uncle Olly’s. Then, he and Uncle Olly could ride on the motorbike with their side-burns sticking out of their helmets and billowing in the breeze.
“When you’re older,” Uncle Olly would say, “When you’re older you can grow side-burns as big as mine.”
“What are they for?” Asked Oliver.
“They’re for keeping my cheeks warm.” Said Uncle Olly, “They’re for keeping my cheeks warm when I go to the North Pole and fight the evil Ice Princess to set the Prince of Penguins free. Without my side burns I would be too cold, and the evil Ice Princess would win.”
Oliver didn’t want to wait until he was a grown up - he wanted to go to the North Pole now.
Oliver tried to make his own side-burns - but Daddy got cross about the holes in the rug and the wasted selotape.
“When you’re older,” Uncle Olly would say, “When you’re older you can grow side-burns as big as mine.”
“What else are they for?” Asked Oliver.
“They’re for catching the bugs when I’m on my motor bike,” Said Uncle Olly, “Without my side burns I would have nothing to catch the bugs and then I would have nothing to feed the enormous tarantula that lives at the bottom of my garden.”
Oliver didn’t want to wait until he was a grown up - he wanted to catch bugs now.
Oliver tried to make his own side-burns - but Grandma got cross about the holes in her lawn and the mud on Oliver’s chin.
“When you’re older,” Uncle Olly would say, “When you’re older you can grow side-burns as big as mine.”
“What else are they for?” Asked Oliver.
“They’re for using as pillow when I’m camping in the mountains,” Said Uncle Olly, “Without my side burns I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep with only a rock to rest my head on. I would be so sleepy I wouldn’t be able to carry the rocks needed to drop on the head of the Mega-Squishy-Lion-Giant-Booger-Man.”
Oliver didn’t want to wait until he was a grown up - he wanted to go to climb the mountains now.
Oliver tried to make his own side-burns - but Mummy was very angry and said Holly the dog was going to look very silly at the park now.
“When you’re older,” Uncle Olly would say, “When you’re older you can grow side-burns as big as mine.”
“What else are they for?” Asked Oliver.
“They’re for disguise,” Said Uncle Olly, “Without my side-burns the bears in Canada would know I was a human and would never share the secrets of the rivers and the trees. I need my side burns to blend in.”
Oliver didn’t want to wait until he was a grown up - he wanted to go tlearn the secrets of the bears now.
Oliver tried to make his own side-burns - but his brother Finley was very cross that his teddies couldn’t hear any more.
“When you’re older,” Uncle Olly would say, “When you’re older you can grow side-burns as big as mine.”
“What else are they for?” Asked Oliver.
“They’re for tickling with” Said Uncle Olly, “Without my side-burns I couldn’t do this!”
Oliver wanted to make his own side-burns - but for now he’d have to make do with Uncle Olly’s.
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