This Time Tomorrow

Just recently I've been out and about a lot more than I usually would... back and forth to Brighton for rehearsals and so only seeing my house mates very sporadically. Luckily, the good creator invented a means of communication for house mates so they can passive aggressively keep in contact without ever needing to exchange words.

The white board. The passive aggressive whiteboard.

The white board in our house is used for two main tasks:

1. Commenting on the general heap of washing up.
2. Penis illustrations.

If you have anything other than that to achieve, the white board is not the place for you. I completely understand the need for this device to diffuse social tensions within our abode - without it we would probably be constantly wrestling over the plight of the mug tree. However, it's left me with a deep, intense loathing of the board itself.

I hate every rectangular fibre of that board. I hate the semi smooth surface, I hate the cracking frame and I hate the faintly grey residue of 100 jibes from memos past. I hate the whole thing. I feel sorry for the tree that gave up its life to become the white board that sits in our kitchen and shames us into buying toilet roll and not eating cheese we really want to eat.

There are some great upsides to living with 5 other people:

1. There's always someone around to hang out with.
2. There's always someone around to add details you'd forgotten to your penis illustrations.
3. Forgetting your keys generally just results in irritating someone into letting you in rather than a night in the porch.

There are also some negatives though:

1. You need a passive aggressive white board to facilitate general life.
2. You often can't eat cheese that you're 98% is yours because you didn't put your initials on it so there's a 2% chance it's not yours and someone will leave you a note on the passive aggressive white board.
3. One housemate eats toilet roll. The expensive kind.

I don't think I'd like to live by myself or in a smaller house, I've never lived with less than 3 other people so I don't know how I'd cope without a load of people coming and going. But, I wonder if you could choose your housemates... who would it be?

Obvs, we need some eye candy for at least two of the rooms:

Gerard Butler and David Attenborough.

Then we're probably going to need someone who is an aces listener for all the problems you come home drunk with. I'll take Jezza Kyle so that if I ever get accidentally pregnant he can help me out with identifying the father and feeling bad about myself.

Then, we'll need someone who can cook and clean, I'm plumping for the hairy bikers because between the two of them they can probably do both.

Perfect house?