I have a problem: I have applied for a morning job as a sandwich delivery girl but my hair is not yet long enough to wear in pigtails while I make my deliveries. Whilst this might not be the main problem in my life it is certainly something that's giving me some issues. If I'm going to get this job, I sincerely want to be the best at it and being the best at it is going to involve looking like a sandwich delivery girl. Complete with pigtails.
I'm also thinking that, my job as a sandwich delivery girl is far more likely to deliver uproarious Rom Com results if I can make myself as similar as possible to Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. I don't want to waste a load of mornings delivery crappy sandwiches in the freezing cold if I'm not going get anything resembling John Hannah out of it.
Obviously I'll be looking into hair extensions if they make a formal offer but I'm wondering how to go about suggesting at pigtails for the interview. I think it would be awkward to have to say right out loud, "Hey guys, I'm willing to get pigtails." because sometimes you have to be a little more subtle about these things and sort of say in a roundabout way, "Hey guys, I'm willing to really make myself fit into this position."
I like the idea of delivering sandwiches, it'd be combining two things I'm very, very passionate about:
1. Pleasing people
Also, I'd get a bike with a cart on the back and, if I'm honest, that sounds like an awful lot of fun. I'm not sure whether or not to mention in the interview that I'm a fairly competent baker myself. Sometimes you have to be pretty careful about these things in case you give the impression that you're aiming too high and you'll be shooting for the big jobs within a short space of time. The bakers would be all like, "Hey guys, I don't even care if she is subtly suggesting about pigtail hair extensions, if you hire her now she'll have all our jobs by August because she's so dedicated and great."
So you sort of have to be a little more careful... Maybe throw in a little, "Hey guys, I've had a quick go at baking and I loved it but still have so much to learn! I'd be pretty happy to stay behind and get some tips if that wouldn't be too much of an imposition?" That way, you're being quite humble and making sure they're aware you're not above your station.
Obviously if it was any normal job interview I would go in a suit of some kind, however, I feel like with this kind of role it's best to show off the assets you're going to need to be a success. Therefore I'll be wearing pedal pushers and a smile because those two will accentuate my glowing customer service and my calves. Without strong calves those sandwiches are going to be stale before I've even got my basket into the office. No good. Best to leave them in absolutely no doubt that I'll be the best employee they've ever had.
Finally, now that these people are totally convinced that I would be the most enthusiastic person they've ever had on their staff, I'm going to need to reassure them that I am no danger to their stock levels. At this point I will probably feign either an allergy to bread (a mouth allergy, not a hands allergy) or tell them a very sad story about how I used to be enormous but am now lithe and now danger to a bicycle frame and it's all because I dropped the carbs.
Perfect. Bish bash bosh. Job in the bag! If you need any more advice on this subject please feel free to get in touch.